TITLE:	C IS FOR COURAGE
AUTHOR:  DONNILEE
RATING:  NC-17 
WARNING:Descriptive sex. This is a total smut biscuit with no 
redeeming social value whatsoever.  Please, no one under 17.
CATEGORY:  MSR /ANGST/SCULLY POV
POSTING:  ANYWHERE - But Please make sure my name and 
e-mail address is on it and inform me by e-mail of the location.  Thanks.
DISCLAIMER: Nope.  Not mine.  Used shamelessly and without remorse.  
They belong to Chris Carter, 1013 and Fox Broadcasting, and god knows 
who else, but not me.
SPOILERS:  Nope.
SUMMARY:  A follow up to "Happy Birthday, Love".  Sex life four months 
later in the new home.  This is Scully's POV of the situation given in B is 
for Bondage.  You don't have to have read "HBL" or "BIFB" to understand 
this one, but I would love it if you did!
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
THE NEW LEXICON WEBSTER'S DICTIONARY OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE -
cour•age - n. the capacity to meet danger without giving way to fear.  To 
have the courage of one's convictions; to be willing put one's opinions 
into practice.  To lose courage; to despair.  To pluck up courage; to begin 
to be brave.  To take courage; to become brave.  To take one's courage 
in both hands; (esp. Br.) to summon up all one's courage [M.E. corage fr. 
O.F].

C IS FOR COURAGE

Courage, it's a word that can mean so many things when you really think 

about it depending on your situation. For Mulder and I the biggest hurdle was 
finding the courage to get out of own way and let the inevitable happen.  
Finally after nearly seven years, we have come together as partners in every 
sense of the word.

I am a Catholic, but not a very good one.  I tend to treat my God like an 
emergency room, which I know is incorrect.  But I've broken so many rules now, 
it hardly matters.  I do believe in God, but I'm just not sure the Catholic 
religion has it all straight.  I am an unmarried woman having sex with my partner; 
wild, out of control sex.  And religion or not, I have no intention of giving it up.  
I am experiencing heretofore unimagined pleasure which has been mine for the taking 
over the last four months and I quickly became to addicted to it.

I always knew that I had a few quirky sexual desires.  I liked it a little 
rough sometimes.  But it had been over six years and I'd forgotten what I 
liked, frankly.  I was just frustrated, lonely and extremely horny.  I was ready 
for any kind of sex, good or lousy.  I was also lusting after my partner.  My partner 
at work, that is. Now he is my partner in life as well.  My mate. Being bar none, the 
sexiest man I had ever laid eyes on, working with him had been sheer torture sometimes 
given my frustrated state.

Keeping my hands to myself was becoming a chore.  So I found more 
excuses to touch, and the touches became lingering.  I found my spirit 
and desire to argue with him dwindling.  I wanted my partner.  It was that 
simple.  

Oh, I forgot to mention that my partner is an Oxford educated 
psychologist with a genius IQ and a background in profiling.  Needless to 
say, the changes in my behavior and the softening of my attitude did not 
go unnoticed.

Little did I know that they had been a signal that he was waiting for.  A 
signal that gave him courage enough to declare himself to me.  Imagine 
my surprise after 5 out of 6 missed birthdays when I came home to find 
my birthday present of sapphire and diamond jewelry.  But the best part 
was the note inside, telling me that he was in love with me.

The wait was over.  I could no longer hide my feelings either, especially 
not in the face of his courage.  Neither of us was big on emotional 
displays in the past, so I understood on a gut level how hard it had been 
for him to do this.  The risk that he had taken was enormous, given how 
much was at stake; our friendship, our working relationship.  Could I be 
any less courageous?

There were more surprises to come.  Come to find out, my partner had a 
huge Victorian style, two-story house in Falls Church, Virginia, that had 
been left to him by his parents.  In addition, he had roughly $750,000 in 
other assets.  Good thing I loved him before I knew about the money or 
he would never have been sure of my motives.  But we had a deep, 
bonded friendship born of trust and respect long before the jewelry 
showed up, provoking all this disclosure.

I won't even get into what a whirlwind life became at that point.  
Subleasing our apartments, hiring movers, changing our addresses, and 
oh yeah, the whole point of this story, the mind-blowing sex.  Sex which 
led me to let my dark desires out of the closet, having finally found 
someone I could trust to know the boundaries and not cross them.

My trust in him removed the last obstacle to me exploring this side of myself.  
The obstacle was fear.  The fear was gone in the face of the love and trust 
that I placed in this man.  And defeating my fear, I found my own courage to take 
this exciting journey with him.  We'd taken so many journeys together but this 
was to be a personal one.

I found out that my masochistic tendencies were a lot greater than I had 
thought.  I like mixing pain with pleasure.  Once having had it, the 
pleasure was never as great without it.  And my partner knew just how to 
do it too.  Always exciting me to the point of delirious before introducing 
the pain that would send my senses into the stratosphere.  Never too 
much pain, never anything that would leave a permanent mark on my 
body, just right.  I was not that smart, but we'll get to that later.

As time went on, I discovered other things through trial and error.  And 
there was a lot of trial and error.  The discovery process was speeded 
along due to the fact that we 'got it on' almost every day without fail.  
A day here and there was missed due to separation on a case or exhaustion 
at the end of a harrowing 18 hour work day.  But not often.  Our appetites 
were equally ferocious.

I discovered that my pain tolerance escalated to the point where I would 
have hurt myself too much left to my own devices.  But my partner 
wouldn't let that happen.  After creating a tear in a delicate membrane 
inside my rectum due to improper solo use of a toy he had bought for me, 
all hell broke loose.  He was not upset that I had pleasured myself without 
him, but he was furious that I had 'done damage to my body.'

He made me promise not to self induce pain unless he was there to 
monitor it and make sure I wasn't damaging myself.  He was really upset 
and we had our first real fight as a couple.  After all, I bled a little but it 
had healed fine within a couple of days with a little antibiotic ointment and 
douching.

He became very commanding and yelled at me, something he rarely did before.  
But I knew that his anger was born of concern for my well being.  He scolded me 
like a child and ended it by saying, "What the hell were you doing?  You should 
know better, you're a doctor for Christ's sake.  You have to know when to stop!  
And from now on, don't you ever use something if you don't know what it is or 
don't know how to use properly.  I will not have you damaging yourself.  I won't 
allow it!  It's too easy to have an accident.  Now promise me!  Right now!"

Now anyone who knows me at work would know that this sort of 
bossiness would send the professional me into orbit and inflame my 
temper.  I would never allow him or anyone else speak to me this way at 
work.  His protectiveness actually appealed to me here though.  Much to 
my surprise, after he was finished screaming and scolding, I was so 
turned on it was unbelievable.  

His eyes had gone wide when I suddenly jammed my hand down my pants and began 
fingering myself.  I looked him right in the eyes when I did it.  He got the 
message and made the connection immediately.  I looked at his crotch and he 
had the hard-on the end all hard-ons.

Well, that began our exploration of dominance and submissive games.  
Here again, I knew that I liked to be taken rough sometimes, but truly be 
totally submissive?  I had to know if I trusted him THAT much, and there 
was only one way to find out.  Because if I did trust him that much, I knew 
there would be no fear and the sky was the limit in regard to the pleasure 
he could give me.  He had tied my hands before.  

But that night, he tied my hands and legs.  Tied me spread eagle, face 
down on the bed, and blind folded me.  Then he proceeded to fuck me so hard 
I had trouble walking normal the next day.  He pounded me brutally, pinched 
my breasts until I wailed and bit my neck and shoulders until they were dotted 
with purple love bites.  I couldn't see a thing and it heightened all my other 
senses.  So I came to love the blindfold too after that night.

I had the most violent, earth shattering orgasm of my life.

Then he left me there, tied, limbs aching for what seemed like forever.

I heard the shower going and knew he was washing up.  I heard him 
reenter the room and asked him to untie me.  He said two words that truly 
began this part of our adventure, or kicked it into high gear.  He said, 
"Beg me."  

And I did.  God help me. I, Dana Scully, medical doctor and Special Agent 
for the FBI, begged my partner to untie me and let me go.  I cried.  I wailed.  
I pleaded.  And after all that, he said, "No.  You need to learn not to take 
matters into your own hands and I'm not convinced that you are sorry enough 
yet that you scared me like that.  I'm not convinced yet that you are sorry 
enough never to do it again."

He climbed on top of me, greased my anus with K-Y and shoved all seven inches 
of his thick cock up my ass in one stroke, making me scream with the incredible 
pleasure/pain of his sudden intrusion. I remember him growling at me as he fucked 
my ass.  "This is mine, all mine.  I don't want anything in here ever again, except 
me.  I love ... fucking your ass ... too much and you aren't ... going to damage 
it ...  because you don't know how to ... control yourself.  Just my cock in here 
from now on, ONLY ME me. Do you understand?  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?"  

I understood.  I had found the storm shelter downstairs and brought in 
contractors to fix it up and make it livable.  Then I went to an after hours 
club in the bowels of D.C. that I had heard specialized in Dominatrix 
activities.  I sported torn jeans, one of Mulder's shirts and a peroxide 
blonde wig.  They were happy to find me a catalogue where I could buy 
supplies for such things.  I returned two days later, paid the man a 
stupidly high price for the magazine and left.

I will never forget the look on Mulder's face when I handed him that 
magazine.  As the implications of what I was asking slammed into his 
psyche, he had sunk to his knees as though worshipping me.  I was 
pleased.  Two things were going on here.  I was giving him the green light 
to escalate our sexual activities.  And I was letting him know that he was 
in charge.

I was so excited when he finally let me look at what he had created for us.  
I marveled that so much was available and designed solely for this 
purpose.  I was crazy with anticipation.  So I made plans to get it rolling.  

As soon as he left for a meeting with Skinner the next day, I scribbled a note, 
left it for him and made my way home.  I brought robes and hung them up, knowing 
we would want them later.  I stripped and read the instructions for the table in 
the back corner.  I had a good idea what this was for, I just wanted to make sure 
I operated the angle adjustment correctly.  I had fastened my ankles into the 
stirrups, put one arm into a cuff.  

We had installed an intercom in here so that you could hear upstairs, just 
in case we ever really did need to hide down here.  I waited until I heard 
the front door slam closed and then pulled the black, spandex over the 
head blindfold into place after raising the table to 45 degrees.  That was 
the recommendation in the instructions.

I heard the door open and turned my head in the direction of the sound.  
He was silent, but I could feel the anticipation sizzle in the air.  My 
ultra sensitive hearing picked up the sounds of his clothes being removed.  
I felt my nipples harden.  When he reached up to cuff my free wrist, I 
gushed wet and hot between my legs.  The sound of his husky voice made me 
shiver.  "You are a goddess.  So beautiful."  I remember that first night 
like it was yesterday.

I feel his finger on my lips.  I lift my head trying to capture his finger.  
I am so hungry for his salty taste.  And I have to do something to defy 
him.  My position leaves me limited options.  He immediately takes away 
his finger, "Ah, Ah, NO."  It turns him on to have me try to get away with 
little things that threaten his total superiority and my total submissiveness.  
The irony is that being submissive to Mulder is a very empowering 
experience.  I am a slave to my desires and he owns my body and my 
soul.  But giving him so much pleasure makes me feel powerful.  That is 
the dichotomy of the dominance and submissive games.

His fingers return and start a journey over my neck and down between my 
breasts.  He circles my areola and I feel my nipples tingle and pucker to 
the point of painfulness.  Oh, I want him to touch me there.  I want him to 
squeeze my nipples until I yelp.  But I know he won't.  I try to move my 
breast, lifting my torso off the table, hoping to have an accidental contact 
with his hand.  He immediately smacks me directly on my nipple, a 
stinging slap that makes me whimper and retreat.  I feel the excitement 
between my legs finally bubble over and begin to dribble down the crack 
of my ass, soaking the table under me.

I am breathing heavy when I feel him lean over and brush his lips feather 
light over mine.  No tongue, no pressure.  Damn him!  He retreats and I 
listen eagerly trying to figure out what he will do next.  Then I feel him.  I 
feel the heat rolling off his body in waves and washing over my abdomen.  
He is there.  I can see his throbbing dick in my mind.  It is so beautiful.  
He wants me to beg.  I feel him gently brush my swollen folds with the 
head and I can't hold out anymore.  I beg.

"Plleeaassee, Mulder, Oh God, please fuck me.  I can't stand it anymore, 
Pleeaassee."  And I can't.

There is a pause that lasts an eternity and then without warning all of that 
incredible hardness is rammed inside me without any preliminaries.  He 
begins to thrust at a furious pace, trying to reach his peak as quickly as 
possible.  I try to tilt my hipbones forward but it's impossible with my legs 
in this position.  I can feel him slamming into my cervix.  That feels good 
and makes me so wet, but my body is now screaming for release.  

If he would just tip forward a little bit, I would shatter.  I know it.  I 
can feel my aching bud throbbing and swollen and know it is peeking out of my 
pubic hair begging for attention.  The bastard won't touch it.  He knows 
and he won't let it happen.  I hate this part.  I love this part.

He starts talking about how good it is to fuck me when I'm helpless and all 
I can do is whine in frustration.  I can't meet his thrusts.  I just lay there 
in agony of frustration, hanging on the knife edge of release, feeling my ass 
press into the leather with each hard impact of his thrusts. I am hysterical 
in my need now and wail out a "Pleeaassee," begging him to end my misery.

He tells me I haven't earned it yet.  I'll do anything to earn it and he know it.  
That's what excites him so much.  A minute later, I feel him begin to 
ejaculate and pray that he will fall forward like he usually does when he 
hits his release.  Much to my chagrin, he steps back immediately and 
takes even his heat away.  

I can't help it now, if I don't move, I'm going to explode and I begin to 

grind my ass into the leather, trying to move my crotch the slightest bit, 
any bit that will brush my clit and send me over the edge.  I beg him to make 
me come and call him Baby.  I know he likes that.  But he just barks at me to stay 
still and informs me that because of my loss of control I now have to wait longer.  

Oh God, he is blowing on my lips, my clit, a cold stream of air that makes 
my heat cringe and retract.  I hardly recognize my voice as I wail in frustration.  
"Ohh, Nooo, Nooo, No!"  How can he be so cruel? Maybe I can't stand this after all.  
How much can a body take? He has walked away and I lay there whimpering until I 
feel him return to my side.

I still as best I can to listen, waiting.  The anticipation is agony, I know he 
is up to something now.  Then I hear a soft whirring noise above my chest 
and brace myself for...I don't know what.  I am so aroused.  This must be 
the female equivalent of blue balls.

Pain!  Vicious little spikes biting into the base of my nipple.  I let a squeal 
escape as my body reacts involuntarily and tries to pull away from the 
vicious little biter.  But I am quickly reminded that I have no where to go.  
Nipple clamps!  His voice soothes me until I feel myself adjust to the 
pinching sensation.  Then he does it again to the other nipple.  Even 
knowing it was coming, I was helpless to still my body's reaction, knowing 
that my inability to stay still was going to cost me.

All this had distracted me slightly from the aching throb between my legs 
though.  Then he tells me to take a slow deep breath.  I suck in my breath 
and feel the metal bite deeper into my now swollen nipples.  It feels like 
they are going to be cut off but I know they aren't.    My body quickly 
adjusts and I begin breathing because I want to, not because I've been 
told to.  The exquisite bite on my nipples is now causing a wash of 
excitement in my groin with every breath and I feel my body relaxing into 
the pain, craving more, feeling the numbness of my excited nipples 
recede as the pain reawakens the nerve endings.  I tell him how good it 
is, how it feels just like when he bites me.  

He warns me and then lowers the table so that I am flat on my back.  He 
leaves and returns only to push something hard inside me that has a 
rubbery texture.  A dildo!  YES!  It isn't as big as him so it doesn't stretch 
me enough to move my enflamed clit, but it feels exquisite.  But again, he 
takes it away and I cry out.

I moved before, I still have to pay.  He tells me so and I feel the padding 
of the table dip slightly and feel his body above me and then, Oh Divine!  
His half limp cock is brushing my lips and I get to have him in my mouth.  
I love giving head.  It excites me to feel him get hard in my mouth.  The 
more excited he gets, the more excited I get.  It's easier when I have leverage 
but all the same.  I can get really excited giving head.  I need no other foreplay, 
just that and I'm ready to go.

But I can't reach properly!  Damn him.  He knows it too.  He's teasing me 
on purpose!  But it won't matter.  I will be scolded anyway, all the same. 
I can't get a hold on him with my lips and so frantically swish 
my tongue over and around him, feeling him harden slightly and knowing 
that it will not be enough to satisfy him.

I wait eagerly for my reprimand, knowing it will come and I will be given another 
chance to redeem myself and earn my release. He scolds me telling me to suck him 
right, and lowers himself further so I can latch on without having to raise my head.  
This is much easier and I can tilt my head back and open my throat the way I know he 
likes it.  In seconds he hardens in my mouth.  I feel his silky hardness brush my 
lips as he retreats and then groan as he lowers himself to push down my throat.  
I love this.  So does he.

Time to go to work.  I have to come soon or I'm going to explode.  I suck 
for dear life, slobbering and grunting and pulling until my jaw aches with 
the effort.  Finally, he pulls away and slides off the table.

After fussing around down between my legs for a few seconds, I feel his 
finger greasing my anus.  Oh, there is a God.  He's going to fuck 
my ass.  Another activity I seem to have become particularly fond of in the 
last four months.  I am crazy with anticipation, actually grunting with the 
effort to keep my hips still when he tells me I can move.  Thank God!  Instinct 
takes over as I undulate my hips and tilt my pelvis up as far as I can go to 
give him better access.  I beg him to come, he tells me he will make it happen.  

He works himself into me and I sigh in relief.  A couple of strokes and my 
rectal muscles are fluttering in relief at the stimulation.  He stops briefly 
and I whimper until I feel the dildo again and him telling me he has a 
surprise.

And what a surprise.  He tells me I he is going to stuff both my holes full, 
fill me like I've never been filled.  Oh, YES.  Just when I think he can't make 
it any better for me, he does.  I am stuffed to the brim.  He begins thrusting 
that beautiful cock into my ass and driving the dildo into my tunnel at the same 
time. A shout of "WHOOOA, GOD!" escapes me.  The clamps bite into my nipples at 
my sudden intake of breath and I degenerate in a puddle of moaning and writhing.

Rapture!  That's the only way to describe it.  I've never experienced double 
penetration before and the feeling makes me high.  His big cock stretching my 
ass open and the dildo bumping my cervix with every stroke.  I can feel him even 
more because of the pressure of the dildo filling me too.  My entire body begins 
to buzz with the vibrations of my ecstasy.

I can't talk anymore or form any coherent words but I know that just like 
before, even with both of my holes crammed full, my poor little clit is 
painfully throbbing from lack of attention.  AT LAST.  His hand descends 
on my mons.  The side of his hand is pushing my clit down to meet the 
dildo as he pounds into me.  Two strokes of feeling the rubber slide over 
my engorged bundle of nerves and I explode.

Lord All Mighty!  I swoon and feel my body convulse.  My walls clamp 
onto Mulder's cock and the dildo in a death grip that leaves us both crying 
out.  The waves of pleasure are keening and intense.  My throat is sore 
from my cries.  I shriek nonsense and his name.  I finally collapse in a 
boneless heap and he pulls back to remove the dildo.  I hear a clunk and 
assume he has tossed it into something.  Then I feel him slide back into my 
ass, gently massaging my rectal walls that are still shivering with aftershocks.

I am the luckiest woman in the world.   My passion blurred the pain of my 
awkward position but now my hips ache.  I tell him and he releases me 
from my bonds and gently rubs my hips until they relax and stop 
spasming from being held in such a strained position.  He helps me to 
stand and we put on our robes.

I look around at all the devices now installed in this room.  All the toys.  
Some I recognize, others I don't.  There is a lifetime of pleasure waiting 
for me in this room.  I can't wait.  I tell him so.

"We are going to have so much fun in here."  

He smiles broadly at me and teases, "Let's shower you little imp.  I'm 
finished for today, you wore me out."

I chuckled and snatched the robe off the hook on the wall and toss one to 
him.  He seems amazed as he questions me.

"Scully, how did we get so lucky to find each other?  And 
then find this kind of pleasure and happiness together?"

I grin at him and give him an answer I know will surprise him.  I like 
keeping him on his toes.  "Fate, Mulder.  It had to be destiny."  Then I 
head out for the door with his laughter trailing behind me.

THE END.

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